Cloud Hosting

Pete Tannen| Sarasota Herald-Tribune

These days many Americans seem to be frightened by an imaginary conspiracy group called The Deep State."Its hidden someplace in Washington, D.C., and it has satanic, socialist plans for our country.

How do I know this? The media talks about it incessantly.

But doesnt the media also have an obligation to tell us the whole story and particularly about some of the other things that have these Deep State folks worried?

You may find this hard to believe, but there are other, even more terrifyingthreats to America out there.

For example,did you know that the United Nations is planning to invade the United States? Seriously it will happen any day now. Never mind that the U.N.has trouble just allocating parking places to their delegates in New York City. We need to take this threat very seriously.

And golfers should also know that one of the U.N.s primary goals is to take over our best golf courses. (This may be funny to you, but it is serious stuff to dedicated golfers.)

Then there are the lizards. Its a known fact that 4% of Americans now believe that our government is run by shape-changing lizard people from another galaxy. Or possibly from deep inside our own planet, warmed by an alternate sun.

When you look at them they appear to be ordinary politicians in suits or dresses. But the instant you look away, they revert to their alien, lizard forms. (Thenif you glance back at them, they change shape in a nano-second and appear to be ordinary people again!)

And lets not forget the Nazis. Isnt it about time we learned the real truth about what they did in Antarctica?

During World War II, the Nazis not only flew jet fighters way before the Allies did they also built flying saucer prototypes that they sent to a secret base in Antarctica as the war was ending.

Some people think they were colluding with aliens at that time, which would explain a lot. Its clear that their flying saucers are still operating today, according to many Deep State followers in Nevada.

Of course, theres also a large group of people who believethat the entire universe, including all of our memories, was created last Thursday. Butthats way too complicated to explain in one newspaper column.

Here's the bottom line: since themass media are ignoring all of this, the sensible thing to do is to check out these theories for yourself. The internet, of course, is the perfect place to do this.

Its where informed, patriotic Americans find out whats really happening behind the scenes in this countryand where you willfind millions of like-minded people who support every single conspiracy theory on this page.*

Hey, ifyou cant believe the internet, who can you believe?

* NOTE: Everything youve just read here is actually on the internet. No joke. I did not make up a single word.

A resident of Sarasota, Pete Tannen is an award-winning humor writer,newspaper columnist andTV show writer. He is also arenowned Senior Influencer."

Read more:
OPINION: Of course, it's true: I read it on the internet - Sarasota Herald-Tribune